Trench Warfare

TobySo part of me is convinced Toby might be trying to kill me. Okay, maybe not actually kill me, considering he’s about 6 pounds of puppy. However, I think he’s doing it in an indirect way. You know, waiting until I’m sick to pounce.

No!, you say. He’s too cute! He’s so lovable! How can something so fuzzy and adorable become evil. Um, did you ever see The Gremlins?

How cute is this little guy? So furry and cute you might trust him and let him into your home.

Oh, you didn’t know this furry, lovable creature could turn into an evil, green, mischievous monster?

And people wonder why the children of the 80s hated the Furby.

If you ever had a Furby, you probably wondered why it spoke randomly, cried or mumbled something in an unrecognizable foreign language. Plus, if your batteries were ever low, your Furby’s voice slowed and dropped several octaves, making a deep, menacing sound. We all wondered when they would form an alliance and take over the world…it was only a matter of time.

What does this have to do with Toby? Well, as you read, I’ve been sick the last few days. Toby, unfortunately, has no way of discerning how I feel. (Or does he?) He wants to be let outside, which he signals (subtly) by scratching his nails on my beautiful French doors. So I get up to let him outside because my headache can no longer tolerate the scratching. He, knowing I won’t be looking for him because I’m busy shivering under three layers of blankets, goes outside and does what? Plants me a nice flower bed? Chases away all the spiders that are in the backyard just waiting to enter my home? (Don’t get me started.) No…Toby decides to go outside, and dig.

That’s right. He digs, into all the dirt and mud outside. What’s he trying to accomplish? I guess it depends on who you ask. Jay and I have hypothesized Toby’s trying to escape into our neighbor’s yard, where the neighborhood tom-cat visits. My mom thinks he’s trying to bury the evidence of a strange bird disappearance in our backyard…leaving only feathers as evidence.

What do I think? Well, there were two holes in the ground, both rather deep but short. I think the answer is obvious. He’s digging graves for me and Jay. I mean, he keeps us up at night playing with loud toys and barking at random things so we’ll be tired the next day, unable to defend ourselves from attacks. When we give him dog treats and Milk Bones, he hides them around the yard and house, obviously stockpiling for the days when Jay and I aren’t “around.”

I’m just saying,…it makes sense to me.

(gremlin pic source:


4 thoughts on “Trench Warfare

  1. I envision Toby with another friend in the next yard who is secretly plotting with him against you. Something like the Count of Monte Cristo. Of course, it could be more like Pinky and the Brain, but either way, you are pretty much hosed…

  2. While I believe that my little grand dog might be capable of picking the feathers off of a captured bird and placing him/her in a hole dug especially for said bird so that he could enjoy his/her company at a later date, I refuse to believe that he could or would ever hurt his human mom and dad. I do, however, believe that he has had some doggy psychology classes and is using aversion therapy to attempt to teach you the things he wants you to learn or he is just “tugging your chain” to make you think he is out to get you. Either way, he is really smart and cute!

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