The Minister’s Wife

Every minister’s wife has probably felt the way I do right now.

I remember when Jay and I went to our first couple of interviews together. We were engaged, scared to death (at least, I was), and ready to move where the Lord wanted us.

I spent most of the time before Jay’s interviews praying the pastor (or church committee) wouldn’t ask me anything. I thought I could just smile and nod along agreeably, hoping to fade into my chair back.

“What if they ask me to lead a Bible study of students?” “What if they ask me to quote random Scripture passages?” “What if my answers aren’t good, minister’s-wife-type answers?”

“What if I cost Jay this job?”

Welcome to the paranoia of my mind.

Our interview at First Irving was amazing. The committee was very kind to me. I only had to speak a couple of times. I was able to share my heart with the committee members, open and honestly.

And I walked away from it praying they didn’t think Jay married a crazy person.

I feel like it’s super hard to be a minister; however, sometimes I feel like it may be more difficult to be their wives. I’ve been telling Jay about the lack of resources available for minister’s wives. Growing up, most of my youth minister’s weren’t married, so I really didn’t get to see how the wife’s role played out.

Now that I am one, I worry I may not be doing my job correctly. What are the expectations? What’s my job description? Am I friendly enough? What could I do better?

These thoughts plague me sometimes, making me feel ill-equipped to be involved in ministry. I know the Lord brought us to this place to do ministry at this time. I just want a little guidance in how to do my best where the Lord has placed me.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way. (Psalm 139:23-24)


3 thoughts on “The Minister’s Wife

  1. Hey Nicole!

    Thank you for your honesty. You made me think of one of my favorite people, my youth minister’s wife, Stephanie. Stephanie was and still is one of my best friends. She ministered to me by being my friend and making me feel like I was worth something as a young teenage girl. One of my favorite things was baking cookies with her, and just talking to her in general. I bet you don’t realize the impact you’ve already made on the youth. Your post shows that your desire is to glorify the Lord, and I’m sure he will grant that desire. Thanks for posting what was on your heart!


  2. Hey Nicole! I think every minister’s wife has had these feelings. Even the ones that look like they know it all. God finally got through my head that despite the fact the I am a minister’s wife, the main thing God called me to be was Sam’s wife. So, though I have to remind myself quite often, as long as I’m drawing close to God and being a helpmate to Sam, God will get me through all the rest!

    God bless you and Jay and your ministry!

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