Alone in the Woods

How’s that for creepy?

It’s actually not creepy. Y’all, my stellar husband booked a room for me at a local retreat/conference center. I’m sitting on a king-sized bed (freak out!), typing this, watching Fixer Upper.

By. My. Stinkin’. Self.

Don’t lie, you silently just cursed my name in your head. I don’t blame you. Even I’m jealous of me.

You know I love the hubs and my sweet baby, but friends…I just ate a whole Chick Fil A cookie (like a freak), and I DIDN’T HAVE TO SHARE ONE BITE. Usually that only happens when I’m eating in my closet.

It all came about when I made a comment to Jay about needing time away, and he offered to find someone to watch Corbin for us.

Oh, sweet love. “I kinda sorta…meant alone,” I squeaked out, trying to remember why I thought this thought out of my mouth instead of tucked away in my ridiculous head. After some damage control (during which I assured him I had plans to eventually come back), he realized what I was saying.

I’m needed in so many ways. 

Work, foster care, Wednesday night church, adoption groups, loss groups, infertility groups, pick ups, drop offs, dinners, Jay’s wife, Corbin’s mom, sister, daughter, lunches, grocery shopping, EXPLOSION OF HEAD = LARGE TEARS.

I just needed a break from the busy, you know?

So I’m here, strongly considering pajamas at 7:20 p.m. Haters gonna hate.

But friends, even Jesus took time to himself. Now, I’m no Jesus, but I can totally understand why he was always going away by himself to pray. I mean, who can pray fervently and passionately, and listen to what the Lord has to say back with a 3 year old interjecting things like, “Mommy, your clothes are fat.” NO, YOUR CLOTHES ARE FAT! What the what?! We don’t even use that word. WHOSE CHILD IS THIS??

But friends, seriously, our lives are about to get 23459 times crazier. Our Home Study was approved today, and we’ll be moving forward with licensing next week. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.

That means sweet little foster babies coming to a theater near me within the next couple of weeks. I can’t even fathom.

Even though I’m excited, part of me is freaking out. Like just walked through a spider web and became a ninja master freaking out. I mean this is a BIG responsibility. A BIG opportunity.

Often times, when presented with something heartbreaking, we can just turn off the TV or put down the paper. But foster care is right there, in your face. Heartbreak for these sweet littles.

Sometimes I worry that I’m not strong enough. How do I keep a distance but still love on these kids? How do I find the energy to keep up with more kids when I only have experience with one? What if they don’t like us?

Then there are blog posts like this one from Carson Family Chronicles. This:

Fostering has been an incredibly eye and heart-opening experience for our family. It has been probably the most difficult journey we’ve ever traveled together, but also one of the most blessed. It is painful, one of our friends calls it the ministry of a broken heart, and that is so true. To love a child or children, to make them your own, without knowing for how long, and also while hoping for healing in their own families often feels like more than I can even process let alone live out.

Lord, make us ready!

So this, friends, is why I’m alone in the woods. To recharge. And pray for what’s to come. And eat chocolate. Not necessarily in that order.

Also, just watched a commercial where Nicole Curtis from Rehab Addict knocks down a wall with a sledgehammer. Pretty sure I need to get me one of those. Stress. Reliever.

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4 thoughts on “Alone in the Woods

  1. Felicia says:

    Our lives seem strangely similar…love you and know even in the hard times (we have had many with our kiddos) jesus gives us grace for our mess ups and theirs 😊

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