But God

Well, it’s official!

license

We are now licensed by the great State o’ Texas to receive sweet little children from its care.

And it moves, SO FAST, y’all.

Like, our foster worker knocked on our door last week, said hi, explained we would be signing licensing paperwork, and then asked us if we wanted to take two kids. For a moment, I felt like shouting THESE ARE NOT GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! What a weird thing to offer someone so quickly!

But this is the name of the game. There are SO many kids needing a home, needing someone to love them well, even if only for a little while. (For the record, we declined because of a pending situation involving a sibling set. This is for another post. 🙂 )

The importance of these decisions has been weighing heavily on me. I’m noticing it most in my rampant emotions. I may or may not have ugly cried sobbed gently in staff meeting last week.  And again while reading a blog post about infertility. And again at a Subaru commercial. Don’t judge. SUBARU TUGS ON YOUR HEARTSTRINGS.

As the hubs and I have walked through the licensing process, we’ve noticed how many people think what we’re doing is so noble. They say things like, Wow. What a great thing! Those kids need people like you! And I just feel a little…guilty.

Don’t get me wrong. Foster care IS great. The statistics regarding children in foster care are staggering. (Educate yourself here.) There are several myths regarding the abilities/disabilities of kids waiting in care. (Learn about them on pg. 11-12 here.) The process to become licensed to care for them in Texas is (mostly) easy and affordable. (Find info about that here; personally, it cost me and Jay about $400-500 to become licensed.) The horrible things you hear about foster care, while some are true, don’t shed light on the wonderful things that happen, too! (Examples of success stories here.)

But friends, this was NOT my plan.

Do you want to hear my awesome plan? Too bad, it’s coming.

  • Meet my husband in college (My small, Christian college’s unofficial slogan: Ring by spring or you get your money back.) Ask me if I met Jay in college. ASK ME IF I’M STILL WAITING ON THAT REIMBURSEMENT CHECK!
  • Get married right after (It was a little longer)
  • Get my master’s degree or maybe a law degree. (Do you see me practicing law?)
  • Have all my children by the time I turn 30. (Pshh.)
  • Be awesome at it, and wifery, and lawyering. (Double pshh.)
  • Maybe adopt…at some point…down the line…if we want.

That’s it. That was my plan. I wrote it down somewhere, I’m sure. IT WAS BINDING.

But God.

In His sometimes frustrating, positively better than what I’ve got goin’ on wisdom, He chose a different plan.

I may not have met Jay in college, but God brought me to him in His time. And I’m so thankful He did.

I may only have my BA degree, but everything else was put on hold when I had my sweet little C. And I’m so glad it was.

I may only have one child here with me when I turn 30 in September, but I have hope of more through foster care now and maybe miracles later.

I may not be the best wife or mom, but I’m loved by my sweet family…and reminded of it daily by my 3 year old. (AN ENCOURAGING 3 YEAR OLD; MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!)

So as this month passes, eliminating the last chance we had to be pregnant with a baby due in 2015, I’m trying to focus on what I DO have, not what I don’t.

I DO have these promises from God:

His plans are to prosper, not to harm, to give hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)

He causes all things to work for the Good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)

He is El Roi, the God who Sees Me (Genesis 16:13)

He heals the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3)

And these are the verses I will cling to as I try to share them with foster children, many of whom have experienced things I never will.

Continue to pray for us as we move forward. And check up on us next week, when we get final word about a sibling set of 3. (insert emoticon with large, frightened eyes)

Things just got real.

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2 thoughts on “But God

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