“Our answer is yes.”
As I hung up the phone, I thought, Oh my.
Lord, what are you doing?
It’s two weeks before I take the LSAT, and we’re bringing home a one-month-old foster child. Baby L was on his way.
After struggling with infertility and turning to foster care to build our family, we decided to say yes to each placement, and then pray that God would shut the door if it wasn’t right. I know, it sounds crazy. This untraditional approach to foster care worked for us though. God had proved faithful to do this when we accepted placement of a sibling set of three last summer. Need a good laugh? Read about that first week here. Y’all. Such a wild ride.
Though the kids returned home to their parents (and an AWESOME family situation), we look back knowing it was exactly what God had for us and those kids.
A couple weeks before the call about Baby L, we received another call about a sibling set of two. (Did I mentioned we were on a Do Not Call list so I could prepare for the law school test? #irony) I told Jay about the call, and we both prayed.
Lord, shut the door if it’s not right.
Before He answered us, the agency called back to say another family had accepted placement. I knew it was right–that He had chosen to shut that door. And yet, I cried. In those 5 minutes of prayer, I loved and lost. I know it doesn’t make much sense, but that’s how it felt to me.
When the call for Baby L came, Jay and I went through the motions. Moment of panic, moment of prayer, expectation that God would shut the door. After all, the LSAT was coming up quickly, and I needed all that time to take practice tests. He knew that. I knew that. I believed He would shut the door.
But He didn’t.
And there we went.
Baby L came to us with a lot more than I thought he would. He had some new outfits, tons of baby socks, and a couple toys. Too young for any type of daycare, he and I sat around for those two weeks, unsure of what to do with each other. I could never find 4 consecutive hours for a practice test, so I just studied with an app on my phone at red lights, WIC appointments, and during nap time when I could.
During the sleepless nights, I cried out to God. I can’t do both, Lord. It’s too hard.
In my weakest moments, I thought that I might skip the October LSAT and take it again at a later date. But I knew in my heart if I skipped, I would never take it. I would procrastinate for years like I did before Baby L came. I would think about how expensive law school is, how I have other responsibilities, how it would never work. I knew this was my only shot.
The morning of the test, I arrived at the testing facility exhausted and discouraged. I could probably write a whole post on that test, but I will spare the details of it. Be blessed.
Suffice it to say, that halfway through the 4-hour test, I put down my pencil and prayed. God, YOU will have to take over. You called me to law school. You called me to Baby L. You have to make this work.
And He did.
If I felt confident enough to release my score and the way God arrived at it, I would. That’s for a different post. One about miracles. And panic attacks.
Now, I’m about to start my second quarter at Baylor Law. Baby L is asleep in the room next to me, cuddling a favorite blanket and wearing rock star pajamas. He turns one this month. He’s been part of our family for almost a year. Friends, I can’t even believe it.
This month, his mom’s rights were terminated. It breaks my heart for her, for him–for the loss he will experience all his life.
His family is happy he’s with us, and so are we. Each day we move closer and closer to him being grafted permanently into our family. My other son prays for Baby L at lunchtime, that he would get to live with us forever. Let it be, Jesus.
Friends, I write this post to tell you this:
Foster care is not convenient. There will never be a “good time”to take hurting kids into your home. You will be busy. You will be tired. If you find the courage to say yes to fostering and whoever God brings into your home, you will (at times) feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Today, I sat in the WIC office for over 2 hours today with a tired, hungry infant. It is NEVER convenient.
If you pray, and God
shoves gently nudges you into foster care, take heart. It is SO worth it. If you think you can’t do it, you’re right.
Yay! First step, check.
You can’t. He can.
He is able. You just have to say yes.
20Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21, ESV